Old Flames
by ricetard
Summary: Sozin's always wanted what he couldn't have. / oneshot, slash, onesided Roku/Sozin


**For queer(underscore)fest on LiveJournal. Prompt was "Secretly, Roku really was bi, but he let Sozin believe he was straight because he didn't have the heart to reject him outright." I apologize for the shortness.**

xx

Roku's turning six years old and so is Sozin. Roku enters the dining hall, smiling shyly at him on the other end.

"Roku!" Sozin exclaims, and runs up to him, almost barreling him over. "Happy birthday!"

Roku manages to laugh through his embrace. "You too," he says. He inhales the scent of Sozin's soap. It smells like burnt cinnamon, warm and toasty.

Sozin pulls away and beams. "Did you hear? They're actually going to get us two cakes this year instead of one!"

"Really?" Roku's always liked cake.

Sozin nods and a mischievous glint appears in his eye. "Well I might have helped the chefs make their decision... I can't wait to see the look on my mom's face when she sees two cakes come out!"

Roku laughs. "One of these days, you'll get caught," he chides.

"Not if you cover for me first," says Sozin. His eyes are bright.

xx

After dinner, the two eight-year old boys run into the courtyard. Already adults are remarking that they're joint at the hip, even though they haven't existed for a very long time yet. But they're best friends, and Roku likes hearing adults say such things.

"Let's practice our firebending!" Sozin's always been more enthusiastic, more eager of the two when it comes to firebending.

Roku nods and smiles. He's calm.

Sozin runs to the other side of the courtyard and faces him. "Ready?" he shouts.

"Ready!" Roku shouts back.

Sozin twists his arms and throws a tiny ember to Roku. Roku easily kicks it down and streams a thin line of fire to Sozin. Sozin only barely deflects it, and then throws one back to him, with a little less power.

The two boys continue firebending back and forth, concentrating and sweating in their Fire Nation clothes. It's only when Roku pushes a little too hard and a squiggle of fire emerges from his hand, when Sozin narrowly dodges it and yells, "Hey! You said you wouldn't use that move!"

"I forgot," Roku says, and he has; it's not his fault that he's only barely better than Sozin.

Sozin runs over him and tackles him, shouting, "Cheater, cheater!" while hitting him over the head.

Roku shrieks and hits back and the two of them fall to the ground, flailing and laughing.

xx

Roku catches Ta Min's eye at some Fire Nation party, but quickly loses it when something suddenly rams into him from the side.

He turns around. Sozin is grinning up at him.

"Hey," says Roku, pleasantly surprised. "I was looking for you."

He had found Ta Min instead, but Sozin's just as nice.

"Really? Because I noticed you from across the room," says Sozin cheekily.

Roku laughs. "You just arrived, didn't you?"

"Yup! Mom's talking to Dad." Sozin jerks his head in the Fire Lord's direction. "We've been busy all day."

"Well being with me will relax you, won't it?" Roku glances around, half-hoping to see Ta Min again. "C'mon, let's sit down."

They find a table and sit at it. Roku looks around the room once more as discreetly as he can. Sozin chatters away. He randomly grabs Roku's hand.

"So our firebending practices can still be in the courtyard, except Mom might yell at me if we break the fountain again... and burn the gardenias again. And knock over the pillar, but we hadn't even knocked it over that time, we singed it and I told Mom, but she's like, 'No playing by the columns' and—Roku? Are you listening?"

"Er, yeah." Roku is distracted by the way Sozin's fingers are playing with his own. "What are you doing?"

"What? Oh." Sozin glances down at their intertwined fingers. "In case one of us has to leave. The other has to go too. It's the buddy system, you know?"

"Yeah." Sozin's fingers are soft, warm.

xx

It's another birthday party, their thirteenth. There aren't two cakes this time, but there are two smiling boys, regardless.

"We," says Roku as he accepts a large present from a guest, "are old."

"We are. Hey, is that for me?" Sozin follows him as Roku carries the gift to his own table.

Roku grins at him. "Maybe."

"Let me see the tag!"

"I'm just kidding, it is mine. Really," he adds, as Sozin snatches the box up and flips the tag over.

Sozin tosses the present back on the table, looking disgruntled.

"Would I lie to you?" says Roku teasingly, nudging him.

Sozin raises his eyebrows. "Would you?"

"Oh, come on." Roku laughs again and throws an arm around Sozin's shoulders, roping him into a side embrace. "Hey, let's go see the other guests."

Sozin doesn't say a word at this, and follows, looking somewhat sated. Roku wonders if it's his imagination or the light when he sees Sozin blushing.

xx

They're practicing firebending again in the courtyard. They bow to each other. Roku turns and takes his stance.

Sozin makes the first move—a mistake, Roku knows, and he easily deflects it. Roku sends his own jet of fire, which Sozin only barely negates in time. He throws a fireball at Roku. Roku catches and extinguishes it.

They're in some sort of surreal dance when they move, stepping around and moving in circles. Roku gets lose in their movements—attack after attack, he defends and attacks as well, keeping the momentum, never missing a beat. Sozin is fierce and sweating, but Roku feels like he's flying.

Then suddenly he lets out that waving pulse of fire again, the one that he and Sozin had agreed that he'd not use because Sozin doesn't know it yet—the fire that's heading right for Sozin, who's frozen in place...

But even before Sozin can attempt to block, the flame moves and vanishes in an instant. Both boys turn to see Roku's mother standing there.

"What do you think you're doing?" she says to Roku. Her eyes are glazing with fury, and perhaps a tiny bit of fear. "You could have killed him!"

"K-Killed him?" says Roku, eyes widening. "I wouldn't—I would never do that!"

"You could," says his mother. She walks over to Sozin and looks him up and down. "Are you okay, Sozin?"

"I'm perfectly fine," Sozin snaps, and Roku can't help but admire his disregard to authority, even to Roku's own mother.

"And Roku would never hurt me!" Sozin continues with that defiance. "Ever! I know he wouldn't!"

He looks at Roku. His eyes are filled with a passion that Roku doesn't understand.

xx

"Roku, I like you," Sozin tells him one day.

"Sorry, I'm straight," Roku lies.

xx

The year after Sozin's confession, Roku is told he is the Avatar and is taken away to train. Sozin stays, bearing the title of the future Fire Lord.

Roku feels guilty. For abandoning Sozin. For leaving him. Alone.

The years of training being the Avatar—especially the Waterbending part—are tough. But Roku manages it. He understands why he has always been a little better than Sozin in their duels. And he feels guilty even more.

Shortly after Avatar training, Roku runs into Ta Min again and they see each other for a while. When Roku discovers that she harbors the same love for him as he does for her, he plans a wedding. She is happy, delighted.

He makes Sozin his best man, of course. There's no better man for the job.

And maybe, he feels a little bit guilty that he finds love, even when Sozin doesn't. That he gets who he loves. When Sozin doesn't.

xx

Years and years later, years after Sozin's made Fire Lord and they part and Roku protects the world as much as he can and Sozin leads the Fire Nation and even after Roku dies on that fateful day on that mountain—

Roku has regrets. He has many regrets. He regrets being friends with Sozin. He regrets staying with him. He regrets loving him.

And most of all, he regrets lying to him. If only Sozin had known that there was a possibility that they could have been together, even if Roku did like females as well. If only Sozin knew he had a chance.

Sometimes Roku wonders what would have happened if he had said yes.


End file.
